I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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