I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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