Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
