Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
