Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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