i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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