Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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