we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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