You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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