i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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