Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
