ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
