1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
