It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
