I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
