There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
