I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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