P.S. I can't hear my feet
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
