you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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