I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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