somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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