omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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