I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You dont lie about slip and slides
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
