Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
