I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
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I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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