Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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