Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
