why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
