im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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