Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
