It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
