i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
