I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
