btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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