Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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