Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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