his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
