you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
