If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
