so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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