Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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