and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
