I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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