why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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