My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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