when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
