Cold hands, warm shart.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
