no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There are leaves in my underwear?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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