At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
