Just fell off a train. Bad.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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