she was so not down for the gang bang
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
