Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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I'm way too hungover for life right now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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