If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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