I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
