everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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