i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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