I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
