Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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