I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
