Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
