This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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