So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
