After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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