Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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