She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
