Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
