Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
