remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
