I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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