You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
