why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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