i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
whose parrot is this?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
