chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
