Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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