You're so nebulous sometimes
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
