just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
