Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
