can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The power of my boobs compel you
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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