Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
